I did not know her. I knew nothing about her. I don’t believe I ever spoke to her. But, when I saw her, I felt I knew her my entire life. She felt familiar and connected and I recognized the feelings. This was a connection I have made many times, so it was not out of the norm. It was not just infatuation but as clear a feeling of love as I have ever felt. This was not just passion; it was a distinct feeling of love. I felt it instantaneously and I do not understand why. Not only did I feel it, but I could tell instantly she felt it as well. She was staring into my eyes. She did not blink or move, or say anything, for at least five seconds, which seemed much longer. We were standing in the middle of the dance floor. She was not staring into my eyes for any reason other than that she too was mesmerized. It was unexplainable, but it was real. Like so many times before, I was feeling love for a woman I knew nothing about. I was not manic, or drunk. I was simply drunk with love.
It did not take long for her to agree to meet privately, despite the fact she was as terrified as was I. I couldn’t just let it go without exploring why I was so smitten. It had been a very long time since I felt that way. The instant rapport. That instant connection. That invisible link between our hearts was real and I needed to know if it would last. We met again and all doubt faded. I knew it was real. She felt it too, but within seconds, we knew something was different.
We were indulging ourselves in the moment.as we didn’t know how long it would last. We both needed that moment as we had been searching far too long to find it, despite our mutual fear of it. As I waited for her to arrive my thoughts were of love and destiny. What if my romantic destiny is not with one person? What if my it was always meant to have many chapters of love? What if my quest for my soul mate was in vain? Maybe my destiny was already written? Are our chapters of love predetermined? So many questions entered my mind and heart. Yet, it was far from the first time. The feeling was strong. She was texting me, “I’m here.”
When she arrived, I was nervous. I had a glass or two of wine and even took a light tranquilizer, as my blood pressure was spiking. That happens to me when I’m turned-on. Just thinking about her was getting me going. She is that kind of woman. As she arrived it started pouring, not just raining, but an absolute thunder storm.. It was obvious that our plan to go out on the water was not going to happen. For a moment, I thought that she was going to leave, as after I received her text she disappeared for a brief bit. Then, I saw her waving in the distance. She was soaked. She came down the dock to my boat. I left the cabin to see if she needed any help and to greet her. I figured if she was going to get soaked it was only right if I did the same. I am sort of a throwback to the old-fashioned chivalrous gentleman of a different era. As I greeted her, the rain started to slacken, but we were already drenched. We went back to my boat. In less than sixty seconds the wet clothes were coming off. She was wearing a bikini beneath her clothing. We sat in the cabin in our bathing suits and not much more than a front zippered Ralph Lauren sweatshirt for the two of us.
I poured us each a glass of wine. She looked directly into my eyes, just like she did the first time on the dance floor. The butterflies came back almost instantly. This was not a fluke. The feelings were genuine. We had lunch on the boat. Before I knew it, the sweatshirt was off and we were uncorking the second bottle of wine. We were engaged in conversation about love and relationships. We were both trying to understand how or if we knew each other, or for that matter why we felt this connection. I began to feel confident that something was going to happen right then, on my sailboat.
I began sailing before my son was born and made a lifestyle out of it. Being on the water, even dockside, is romantic. Although I did not know her more than an hour we were passionately kissing. The kissing turned into heated passion. Our hot and wet bodies were soon intertwined. The scent of her body and the taste of her salty skin pushed me to erotic limits. I could not only feel her hot body pressed to mine, but smell and taste her.
The rain was back with a vengeance. It was loud and it was dark. Candles provided most of the light as well as a sensual ambiance. We were creating so much heat and sweat from our passion, the boat started to get steamy and the porthole windows were dripping with condensation. We stopped ourselves many times, yet our clothes peeled off without even thinking about it. I had to control my urges as every few minutes we would pull back from each other and say, “What are we doing? We don’t even know each other. Yet, before we could get through a glass of wine, we were back in each other’s arms, going at it again and again and again.
I took another tranquilizer, as I was too worked up. I had promised myself I would not have another chapter of love unless it was with my true soul mate. I was breaking my vow, but the chemistry was just too strong. Even the tranquilizer did not work. For hours, we just went through a routine of giving in to the passion and then withdrawing before any real insertion took place. We both wanted it. The attraction was powerful. We were like two magnets that could not keep from getting caught in the power of the other. It was stronger the closer we got. So, we just kept giving in to desire, stopping ourselves, and then going at it uncontrollably. I was going down on her time and time again and she was panting and pushing me away and then pulling me into her.
I know it does not make any sense, unless you agree that love at first sight, is real. I couldn’t believe we were both struck at the same time. Most people would have given themselves completely to the moment. I had done so many times before. I did not want this to be another one night stand or hook-up. Despite our mutual agreement that we should not be engaging in such activities, it was exactly what happened.
Finally, we decided to stop the insanity. As we walked to our cars we both came to the realization that we had spent hours alone just kissing and caressing and melting into each other,, although we did not even know each other. We agreed that we did not want a hook-up, even though we just had one. We both had unfinished relationships still in progress. Our encounter was neither planned nor proper. Our passion pushed us beyond our control or better judgment. Neither of us wanted it to happen.
We agreed to not to see each other any time soon. We were both terrified of the connection. We knew nothing about each other, other than the fire we shared. I often wonder if that fire could have turned into lasting love. But, I had convinced myself not to attempt to build a relationship out of yet another obsessive connection. My heart beats wildly every time I think of that day and the passion we shared. It was healing and powerful and the connection was strong. Although I decided not to pursue the connection, I can’t help but feel that those few hours were not based on pure lust, but on feelings of love for someone I did not know.
This was not the first time I was overcome with such feelings. In fact, it has happened hundreds of times… even more. But, it was one of the first times in my life I stopped myself. She also had will power. With the help of a tranquilizer we partially controlled it. Well, at least we tried. I don’t know what will happen the next time I see her. I don’t even know if I want anything to happen. But all the same, when you share such a connection and the passion that accompanies it, you are connected for life. As science and experience has proven, there is no way to disconnect from one’s kinesthetic memories of love. I know the next time I see her those sparks will be there. I don’t know if I will be able to resist. But, I will try.
Chapters Of Love 